And You Thought Baseball Games Are Slow Now! Plus, the Senate to the Rescue

Wow, that title is way too long.

As you've probably heard recently, MLB upped its penalties for positive steroid tests - big-time. I won't link to the numerous articles covering this news item; if you care at all about this issue, you've already read them, if not you've stopped reading this blog entry by now. Anyway, I have a couple of observations:

1. The new testing agreement calls for testing of amphetamines in addition to steroids. Now supposedly baseball players dig amphetamines like Kate Moss digs coke, or like I dig Cheez-Its, and it's been a problem for decades now. I'm ignorant about their use in other sports, but I'd be kinda shocked if it weren't problematic in basketball and football as well. Now, if the MLB testing program is actually rigorous enough, are we going to see a huge drop in performance on the field? Are there really that many players that can hit a 95-mph fastball during the first game of a West-Coast road trip after an overnight flight from back East? And how do some of these fielders stay alert out there during 5 or 6-run innings? We may start finding out with the 2006 season.

2. Thank God for the U.S. Senate, coming to rescue MLB from itself, protecting the country's children from the tempting evils of steroids! They successfully pushed for a ban of substances that have been scientifically proven to cause harm to those who take them, and can even harm those who don't take them (see: 'roid rage). It's comforting to know that we have such an august governing body, protecting the nation's kids from such dangers. It's a good thing, though, that steroids aren't legal, and easily available to the general public at thousands of commercial establishments. It's also quite a relief that steroid manufacturers don't have lobbyists in Washington, fighting for the rights of shareholders, and contributing to political campaigns. Imagine if steroids were sold in packs of 20, or in cartons! Thankfully, we don't live in that world. So thanks again, U.S. Senate, for taking up your taxpayer-paid time to stand up as beacons of morality for the unwashed masses! We know that you did it all for the children, and we sincerely appreciate it.