Black Hole of Sports

Unless you're a basketball fan, the Baltimore-Washington area has been tough going for area sports fans over the past five years. In football land, the Redskins still have an offensive name, a greedy and inept owner, and just got demolished yesterday. Up I-95, the Ravens offense just had their most productive week; they had a bye. On the college level, Maryland's injuries to its linemen indicate that its players may be taking health-maintenance advice from their coach. Navy just lost to a I-AA school (albeit one of the better I-AA football schools). Baseball is no prettier - the Nationals will get their new stadium next year but are still quite a way from contending. The AngelO's may be even farther away; I love the Oriole Bird, but a more appropriate (if not quite family-oriented) team mascot would be a guy in a business suit with his head planted permanently in his own ass. The only bright spots are in roundball, and that's due mainly to major and minor resurgences by the Hoyas and Terps, respectively, and the exploits of the oddest guy in the NBA, #0 for the Wizards (strange time when the Wizards are the area's best pro team, yes?). Oh yeah, I almost forgot D.C. United, but they've been pretty damn good for years and the vast majority of the sporting public hasn't noticed yet.

Contrast that with New England, where a new Evil Empire is rising. Epstein, Belichick, and Ainge are sending their well-compensated minions swarming into stadiums and arenas throughout the land, destroying, or planning to destroy (see: Celtics trades) everything in their path. Belichick even deployed his own personal Eye of Sauron in service of his dastardly plans, keeping an ever-watchful eye on enemy sidelines until the commissioner mercifully vanquished that threat. And then there are the fans - Red Sox caps are the new sporting gear du jour for fans in this area, replacing NYY caps: "So you're from Boston/New England?" "Nah, I grew up in Maryland, I couldn't even find Boston on a map! I just like the team". Fantastic! It's also difficult to account for all the local Pats fans that are now sporting their teams' gear, which had been mysteriously absent from public spaces for most of the 90's.